i am still alive....

i cant see my head of work!!!!!!!!!!why i started again?i think i become a workacholic...ufffa...tonight or tomrrow i hope to have time to tell all things that happend to me this days....

letter to the lost love.....

Dear lost love,

In the heart of the night u came in front of my door, the most of the people are already sleeping!She knows you came?what u told her?

You said u want to talk…..what u want to tell me?your words are baldes inside of me…they hurt me more then pain without limits when a limit doesn’t exist…

I think you should return to her……I don’t want to see you every second looking at the celluar telling you will come soon home and you are busy…go to her!turn back…this time you don’t need an excuse you shouldn’t hide….

I don’t want to feel in my house her perfume…let it where it is!!!if she won what I lost is invane to tell you I love you now…

Give her all the roses of the earth but the spines let them here with me……all your things I put them in a suitcase toghter with the tears I cried for you…I don’t want to aspect my end when I know there will be no end…

Turn back to her…never I tought that will come the day when I had to lose you….our love for me was unbreakable….

Turn back to her…don’t make her worry…she must wait you for dinner…and remember when you hug her again…at least think a lil like when I was there….turn back to your house,to your half….

You tell me she is just a form…but she is a woman….i feel pitty for her…but one good thing you did…with your actions you gived me the pride and the liberty back..

Don’t worry for me I know how to lose…I am a woman and the world for me will not end here…all viceversa..it starts now…

I offer you a tea with this weather we all need one….i look at you …I cant belive I loved you….you say you want to close all the bruises….but at what will serve all this???

Already every foto we had I closed it in a box and it will preserve itself…in the book of our story…like a chapter…a monument in our memory…you are pathetic, you are so ridiculous, so false when you try to be diplomatic …you want to set me a trap..like other times…but I will not fall in the game of 3 persons-realationship…

And how is this story u feel the wish to touch me?to kiss me?until where you want to arrive?you really consider me stupid…oh good…now you are even diabolic…poor her…I don’t want your passion..because passion is a bottle that will finish…and who will take all?not me…I would be the 3^rd here…..no…..she won what I lost….she should be happy…better go home she must been waiting you…

And so you leave..we say goodbye for the last time….i smile…and you cry…I think is too late for your tears and fears…maybe you realize you did a mistake coming here….

And so in the biggest silence of the night I close the door behind you…and behind of all we had…

Is the first time I feel unchained…and free..betwin the tears….I cry…bc I am proud of me..and I feel like a true women…

The power of saying “no”makes me feel the queen of the world…I will take the best from every second…even if I said I will never be able again to talk with you and not to suffer now I feel free…and happy…and my eyes from today will not be sad anymore….

I am rebirth again…without you…alone…but I feel happy…and I know that men are babies by acting and thiking…that’s why the world are leaded from women…bc we are stronger…

I really don’t understand why you came…and why you lied to her…I am sure she knows…a woman understand when a man tells her a lie….but I guess she doesn’t have the power to tell you…this are we women we are happy with little…

I wish you all the happiness in the world and all the love …even if I see that you are looking for it and you look for it in other placeses then where is ur place next to your wife….

The one that tried to make you happy……….

P.S ADVICE: THINK,REMMBER,FORGIVE AND LOVE AGAIN!

i am back!!!

it was beautiful.....i had so good time and fun...but also the memorys came back to me and it made me think better to all that it was and it will be....i miss him....a lot...i never admitted it before...but he changed his life....and i have to accept it this makes me more woman to admit i lost....
i will write a letter it will be my adieu to you....
school started...i missed the university...and we are all back to work...
and the fall is getting deeper and deeper in our souls....

preparing...

what we should take in a wellness trip???mmm...i dont know but i will figure out until tomorrow bc i am leaving for 4 days of spa....today it arrived my robe...satin robe...i have a fix for lingerie...so i adivce u to take a look at this online shop is LA PERLA one of the most exclusive labels but belive me is an investment...For example my mother has on pijama and she has it from 4 years it looks still new of course u should know how to care things...how to wash what detergente you should use....is a long story this of heart of clothes....

BTW of outlets...

so i decidet for the outfit in university is this Chanel
dress with this short coat...i like bc is chic i think:D then i went to the THE MALL- and there i bought other things....my credit card exploded:D but i am happy :D i feel so good when i buy things...is a Chloe sweater...a Chloe betdress that i will wear this friday in my spa weekend :D next a Phillip Lim little black dress andYSL shoes....:D i am happy with my shopping!!!!

ITALY COUNTRY OF FASHION BUT WE ALL DRESS FROM OUTLET...

IS TRUE THAT ITALY NEXT TO FRANCE GIVES THE BEST OF THE BEST IN FASHION…BUT ARE ITALIANS GOOD DRESSED???ARE WE (EVEN IF I AM NOT YET A CITIZEN BUT I AM A RESIDENT) FANS OF BIG LABELS?OR WE PREFER THE LOW COST AND ECONOMIC DRESSES….

DESIGNERS LIKE GIORGIO ARMANI.GIANNI AND DONATELLA VERSACE,ROBERTO CAVALLI, SALVATORE FERRAGAMO, PRADA, VALENTINO GARAVANI AND MANY OTHERS MADE FROM FASHION NOT ONLY AN ART BUT ALSO A WAY OF BEEING..AND IS PART OF OUR LIFE…..

IN MY HEAD COMES THE EXAMPLE THAT “LADY DRAGON”-MIRANDA GAVED IN “THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA”ABOUT THE BLUE SWEATER….WE DO REALLY INFLUENCE FASHION OR FASHION INFLUENCE US…..

BUT WHERE THIS FABULOSE COLLECTIONS FINISH/??are all sold out?WHERE REALLY THE COLLECTION BECOME ACCESSIBLE TO THE US?EASY…IN THE OUTLET’S BUT ARE THIS OUTLETS ACCESSIBLE?

WE ALL GO THERE BECAUSE WE HOPE TO FIND LOW PRICES FOR OUR POCKETS…WELL WE FIND THEM discounted from 30%-70% but all from one season before….

I live in Tuscany so I made the tour of all outlets of the region and I have to mention that all regions have their outlets.

Near Florance is one called THE MALL (www.themall.it ) here can be finded labels likeYves St. Laurent, Bottega Veneta, Giorgio Armani, Loro Piana, Gucci, Sergio Rossi, Alexander Mc Queen, Balenciaga, Burberry, Ermenegildo Zegna, Hogan, La Perla, Stella Mc Cartney, Tod's, Valentino, Yohji Yamamoto but they are kind of expensive.

Another one is BARBERINO DESIGNER OUTLET here there are avalible labels less exclusivist but almost all pockets can afford it….plus they have even labels for house and sweets….:D LINDT my favorite.u can check out on www.mcarthurglen.it/barberino/home/home.php .

There are other 2 but less important…

The fact is that is that if you want to find good things u should go out sales season and during the week bc in weekend is full of turist and u can find the shelfs empty…

So welcome in Tuscany…and welcome to shopping in the country of labels…and fashion…

back to school!!

And thinking that on 1 october university starts…I missed it…but the courses will be just the other week…and I am thinking what to wear…of course not seeing my friends and teachers from 3 months sure it will be a party..and a long long long chat at the university coffee shop :D

So what should I wear??Still the sun is up so I was thiking at this white and red dress :D (is a Chanel - last collection but I like it and I will wear it always)

autumm toughts

After a week almost of sickness...and french toast with tea....i am begining to feel a lil better but still weak...so my best friend...u will laugh but is a boy...:D gived me an idea for getting in shape again…( even if I lost 4 kilos this days –at least a postivi thing !)to go to a SPA.

Here in the region of Siena..are a lot of SPA’s with termal waters and other facilities and aren’t so expensive and when it comes to health I can touch the credit card :D

So all day I did a reserche of prices and I got to the most interesting therapys somes with stones,chocolate(this sounds tasty…but…not for me :d) and at reasonable prices..so I tooked the one called “the autum warms up ur skin” and there are 3 nights and 4 days all inclusive plus some trataments like peeling and scrub for the body,massage with warm oils and other bath in some mineral waters and all this for 220 euro!Thinking that is only at 50 km from Siena and I will go with my “Brum brum”I decided this Friday I go…:D:D

I wanted to take some friends with me..but this will not be relax but fun..no no so I prefer alone…

sick, sick

i hate junk food.....no more in my life....i am sick because of this....so no more junk food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry i know the video is 2 times...we all do mistakes :D :D :D :D thanks

an evening with other...

Day by day it seams that the autumm becomes the queen of the kingdom of the World….is getting colder and colder the nights are longer and the wind brings the cold air from the far north…and another cycle begins….

On Sunday I was at an Eid party invited at the house of an old friend...of course that I was sure I would see persons that I wasn’t very happy to see but we have to forget all when we have to do with a reason to be happy with the others…and for the others.

A true muslim party I think it cant be without those fabulouse cookies I think I ate something like 300g :D:D I couldn’t handel it because they were so grate with honey and nuts and almonds grate grate!

Of course there were even other types of food but thinking it was in the evening and after 7 pm I don’t eat I made already an exception with the cookies.

But all had a nice smell and interesting spices that I know or I heared…I will get more documented on this kind of spices….

There were nice women dancing moving their gracefull hands and not only…:P.all of them came with the most beautiful abaya or veil,I liked this, it was like a catwalk.

Of course I showed up.....and for the first time somebody explained me why the muslim girls and women look at us so strange... we are kind of mistery for them…as they are for us at least for me,I am sure a lot of my friends don’t think the same…

This family had realtives from Qatar, Tunis and Jordan invited…and one of the girls of this family that I think it was almost my age asked my friend to ask me what I do for having a skin like that I got shocked I said nothing special and told him to translate all she has to do infact the ritual of beauty I made I gived her all details …that it isn’t a big story and to drink milk, a lot of milk!

She told me thanks and embraced me..i didn’t aspected….of course in the shadows I felt his eyes on me and of course even she…I think she knows who I am and what I represented I had this feeling.

I know he looked for my eyes at least to meet but I holded on and keep smiling at least I can do this I don’t know how he felt seeing me there and I am sure even M (that is friend of both) had a difficult evening about this thing he even asked me if there is any problem because he is there I answered so full of lightness “should it be?” he gived me and answer that made me see he knows something of me…thing that again I didn’t aspected because I tought he didn’t knew me so well….”you answered light but deep in you carry the weight of this hole room. Don’t hide in yourself you may lose down there..look better around and see maybe is a hand to pull you out of there…”

What should I think now?? After what he said….today I was thinking in this…I don’t know what he meant well the sense is clear but I have the feeling behind this words there is something….well time will tell …

Another grate person I meet was the mother of my friend so nice….she told me the classical things they say to their guests “you brought the light into our house”I liked this and in her eyes I readed she was sincer and made me feel real good also the others were nice and explained me a lot things and they didn’t hide behind the barriere of their language as it happened before to me…

The song from today is in romanien my native language and it talkes about the bitter taste of a lost summer and a lost love..and how the autum comes and takes all away and how the love vanishes with an strong seawave…I love it….and the video is interesting…hope you like it even if I think there will be just one person who I understand romanien :D:D

easy like a sunday morning.....

SUNDAY MORNING…….

ALWAYS SUNDAY IS THE DAY OF REALX AND ENJOYING THE NICE LINES OF THE BED…..(EVEN IF IT IS AN OLD HOSPITAL BED- BUT NOT FOR LONG TIME…),THE CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE AND THE CARTOONS ON TV….

BUT I AM SURE THE MOST OF US MAKE PLANS FOR THE NEW WEEK…SO I'VE DONE TODAY….THINGS I HAVE TO DO NEXT WEEK: (I START TO LOOK MORE LIKE BRIGET JONES :d) ….BUT WHILE MAKING THE THE LIST MY MIND WAS FLYING AT THE PARTY FROM TONIGHT…AND AT THE WINDOW..THE OUTSIDE WEATHER MAKES ME FEEL I LIVE IN LONDON AND NOT IN ITALY…IS SO FOGGY AND COLD AND RAINY… LIKE MY GRANNY SAID IS TIME TO COUNT MONEY AND IF U DON’T HAVE THEN MAKE BABIES :d:d:d:d

SO LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS WHILE LOOKING AROUND ON THIS WHITE WALLS …..DO THE LIST :D

1. TOMORROW MORNING CHANCE THE ADRESS FOR “ELLE”AND “VOGUE”
2. I HAVE TO GO TO THIS MEGA-STORE FOR HOUSE THINGS TO BUY SOME ROLLERS, PAINTS AND "ACE" TO CLEAN THIS WALLS(BY THE WAY U THING WILL WORK TO WASH THE WALLS BEFORE PAINTING?)
3. TO START WASHING OF THE APPARTAMENT TO TAKE OFF THE SMELL OF THE TABACOO (I CANT STAND THIS THING AND IS THE ONLY WAY TO TAKE IT OFF THE WALLS)
4. TO DECIDE WHAT COLOURS AND STYLE TO ORGANIZE ( HERE I NEED SOME HELP EVEN IF THE IDEA I HAVE IT…)

HERE I STOPED BECAUSE WHILE I WILL THINK I WILL WRITE….THIS WAS THE MOST QUITE SUNDAY I EVER HEAD….AND SO CALM LISTENING THIS SONG

I JUST CANT WAIT THE PARTY I AM SO CURIOUSE HOW THE EID PARTY IS…LATER I WILL POST SOME IMPRESSIONS AND TELL MORE HOT IT WAS…

when autumm comes....

Why always the fall changes our lifes...always after the hot summer we lived the autumm comes and brakes the magic of it...of the waves and of the sun,of a nice cocktail or of a night out with the friends finished by watching the sunrise on the beach... So another summer is gone and now we start to live again...even if the sun loses its power and the leaves have some chopper shades.
So...i decidet to change somethings in my life...
I talked some days ago with my best friend that is living in Paris and he gived me the best advice that somebody gaved me..He said:"The key to go on after the shocks of life is TO THINK,TO FORGIVE,TO FORGET AND TO LOVE AGAIN!!!"
So i decidet to do this thing!Women after they suffer the biggest waste in thier life...(love) change their hair...so i think i have to do the same...after it we change things that sourround us...i decidet to change things in my appartament..first i changed it (thats the advange to live with rent :D :D :D).So i tooked the newspaper and made the tour of Siena to find the right house...some were to expensive others to dirty others were to central others not that..who looked for the right house understands me! :D
And when my hopes were almost gone i finally find it!A little appartament of 43mq.a cross the central park with a beautiful view but not in that good condition..and this aloud me to negotiate the price less then he asked for...and this made me very happy!
Next step is to move on,so i moved on from my ex-house i tooked some 10 boxes and other 24 with clothes and shoes and a table... leaveing there hopes,dreams i made,fears,and tears...of course the rest wasnt mine...
The last year work and economy made me put some money appart even if i wanted to make a nice trip this summer my soul wasn't ready to do any...
Now i have to decide what style i should adopte..and how to divide the place..
But the most important think now is that i am in the middle of the room sitting on box and one bigger is making as table and a nice hospital bed but this makes me happy because i have the opportunity to think well how i do things..from tomorrow i have to make the big plan and so i will need some advices and i will share all my ideas here even if i know well there will not be a lot of people to read it and i have to thanks my friend from Finnland that remmbered me...the best way to open ur soul is to write...
The song from tonight is one that i listen a lot this days while moving is called :"LOVE OR LEAVE" i think is fair for you love with all heart or u set the other free and not hurt him ....

i feel like summer sun.....

i dont know why...but i feel easy and calm after all the storms that passed...maybe another thing made me forget such ugly things.......




i saw this movie and is fab!!!!it looks like a story who might begin...Let's hopeeee sooooo :d we will see in sicily what it will happen!

we all get what we merit.....

We all get what we merit.....Something strange happend today in the morning even if i was easy like a sunday morning....(how the song says).....i had in mind to call up my friends for a dinner at my house...like good old times...were we all get round the table ....and of course i had to cook for an army :D and something special because they are used so with the way i cook.i dont wanna say i the chef of LE CHIBERTA in PARIS noway but i do it with passion....so i decided to do this time something betwin the african cusine and the french tradtion plus our anters....our italian once...
As i see myself this days with a good old friend of mine that is from Cameroun and i think i have a crash on him....i always had something that attracks me to him but i never knew what it is and he also....i called him and asked him to make me company to the oriental supermaket we have here in milano one of the biggest.Where all the oriental,asian and african culture meet toghter under the most peaceful thing on earth: FOOD.Also i put him to ask his mummy for some adivices and he brought up this nice African Cusine book written in french!i didnt know what to choose so i made a list and i said i buy all i need and then i decide home what to do...we made the list....not that lil....bc i had to pass also at Garcon...to take the wine and others things...He waited to me to take a shower..bc of course i was sleeping when he arrived and we had breakfast toghter...and here were we to hit the road!:DTooked the car and there were we...
From the moment i got there a wave of smalles and colors tooked my mind away....So it begun the adventure....labels i didnt knew and understand....but i had the transaltor with me....while we were finishing and paying we met the new Simpson family!:D there was mr R. with his brother A. and i guess the future wife.....I was hit by a struck he was looking at me his brother also she was getting furiouse she became more black then she was...but i smiled and said "hi".He said an embaressed"Hi" his brother also she nothing...sure she doenst speak..but i said to her the same and a nice smile....They were shocked.Thanks god D. saved the situation and said " D babe let;s go!and i answer "yes"and we left when i got to the car...D asked me "he was right?!"and i said "yes"....and he said "ok i will not ask anything else"and i answered "well is nothing to say anymore when i say goodbye to a thing or person then is forgot for always"And he said yeah u are strong enough i know that and i am proud of u and huged me:D was suche a warm hug that i didnt got from time...and in that moment those got out also...i felt the way he looked at me..and gived D to drive my car i know he hurted bc nither he made it!but this wasnt all...
I live in an appartament quite big in a condominio very nice and is new....In the front of mine the city hall decidet to build a block of flats for the immgrants and new familys...Getting home and parking the car in the other block i saw somebody moveing on...so it was the new family i said "Oh Dio mio"!This was the worse news ever....but i said maybe he has it on the other side the view...What hurts me the most is that he is makeing the impossible to make me see how happy he is....When something is over is over forever.....
So we got upstairs and as the day was nice we got on the balcony to have lunch and i had the surprise that the matrimonial suite is at the same leavel...i dont understand this...dont u think is crazy???it means an obssesion !Anyway life goes on....i had a grate dinner and good time with my friends...and i cooked with D.what a nice experience...it gets toghter people and makes them feel something one for an other...and we talked and remmber good times...Who knows maybe is the begining of something....
The dinner was fab!!!turkey with caco souse.. i didnt tought before that it can be so tasty..And now we will see what will happend in the neibourhood :D:D:D:D
If he wants war then he will have war...but i will not do anything....bc all in life get payed...The song from today is.....LAST TANGO IN PARIS so it matches the food :

Today was very hot here....but i went for shopping...so i bout this pair of shoes another one in the dressing room :D:D::Dbut this saturday i have to decide with what i will wear them....mmm i have to see...

never judge a book by its cover..

Never judge a book by its cover...this is what i always tought...today a good friend of mine made me read one article,first of all i thank her....and it really made me think that things arent always as they look.The author was right in some points but i felt like she didnt approved the realtion betwin one muslim and one catolic or other religion....well i dont agree with that....and i dont think that even if we have diffrent clothes and act diffrent this mean we are superficial...or we dont have our pride is true that the biggest part of us likes to be free and do the most crazy things that we can do but everyone of us is responsable for its acts and facts...Isof t true what she said about the young muslims that come in the european or nordamerican countrys to study.I had an example this year in school 15 youngmen from an muslim country(i will not say the name bc i dont want to generalise) came to study for a year with us in the uni.It was a discrasse since they came until they left....they were very rude and bad educated in all meanings beginning from the personal hygiene and with the compartament regarding the teachers that are some heavy names in the jurisprudence...but from another way i had a realtio with one for 2 years and i knew it wasnt like that or tryed to be a don juan with me...there is the family who didnt liked me bc i was iffrent and they tought i was dominating him and bringing him to forget his family or roots!i never tought to make such things!and just like a otught...when he was home we never ate pork or alchool drinks...i respected all but he didnt respected my proud....
This is why i ended bc i have my proud and nobody will pass over it nither the person i loved...now?!I met the other day an old friend that made me remmber good times...and who knows what it happen...BIZOU my dear friend!

i am becoming a coutre....

This afternoon i fineded some materials.....i dont know why but i want to do something with them...but sure i am not giving them on the hand of somebody...i will fix something i want to make a dress like i saw from Pucci :d so i make something to pass the time until i go to sicily....:D just cant wait!!!and now this i will make this dress....so tomorrow morning i am going to buy the things that i need...to make it in the room i have left free now...i will make my atelier...who knows maybe tomorrow i will become a lil "Coco" :D:D:D:D

the story of my abaya.....

This is for my friend from Finnland.....This abaya i bought it when me and my family were invited to the Tunisian Embassy in Roma for a ufficial party...And i tought with my mother would be nice to get some traditional clothes....and how the holiday was near we decidet to go to Tunisa,Tunis...so we went to the souk (i think thats the name for the market...or medina)and begun looking for something and so after 10 veils and some maters of silk (i go crazy for silk)and some nice bracelts of silver....(in Tunisia silver is so nice and cheap plus are art pieces after my opinion),We finded this shop....there were a lot of them....and was a male as shopassistent...and i can tell he knew something about fashion....So is glamours...and it had also the veil..that has the model at the ends...it is so nice the material and it still has the nice small it had when i bought it.....it something like incense....The wife of the Ambassador admired it so much...and i love it aslo....

how all started....and how it ended....

Our story....or fairy tail....we met 2 years ago when his brother become our gardener...and my family helped him to make his regular documents...he was an iligally immigrant...and after some time he bringed up his brother...then when i got amaeized about the most beautiful almond and black eyes....and he got chamred by my green eyes....i was sure there it wouldnt be so easy because the diffrences were too big...and my family would have never accepted but it was different....The university came and i convinced my father go help him to go with me in the University by studying law....so i my parents tought i should handel alone my life and decided to move up alone in a flat in center milano....so we begun to visit and go out...and so we fall in love we actually move toghter and trying to have a nice and happy life...but his family managed to move him away from me...buy getting him to marry with force!!!!!!!!!!!and they say they are civilized!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i think they dont have the minimal sense of love and understnading...they didnt knew anything...i was to much for him...but did they asked him???anyway today i told him to bring my keys and i puted his things in a box and gived it to the doorman so i dont wanna see him.......no no...i cant accept this thing.....

i will survive....

well what can i say more....the news fall on my like a lighting in a summer strom..is actually summer....he is getting marryed a name called hoba....or heba...i cant remmber her name...well is not that i care that much...So now i founded out why were they laughing about....and i would have laughed also if i knew somebody in that situation....so now what's left????????just a summer to sicily....alone haveing fun and forget all...the 1001 nights are over...and the fairytales also....what a lair...i have a feeling of revege i know is not right but one day will come things go round and round...i just feel stupid....and hurt.....but i guess it wasn't to be....like his brother said.."he needs a girl with our tradition and modest....and to make him children not to think at a careere"Well i will never be one big i have a name to carry on...and from now this will be my aim...to bring up all my family gaved to me and to turn back to my old friends that i turned off bc the jelousy of somebody....i called Marco T.i dont know why even after our story ended i still want him around...funny?!i tought also he was a true friend and he came to listen to me we did a couple of martinis...and now i cant sleep....uffaaaa questa vita.....i need to leave Milano for some days...i guess Maritima will console me a lil...i dont know from where i should begin....

how others can ruine a beautiful thing...

tonight...i tought i can make fall down bridges betwin cultures...but i was wrong...invited to a dinner of an muslim family that it happends to be even my boyfriends one...persons that my family helped to get out from a poor condition and to get in legality...but this doesnt cont...but is the family of the person i gaved my heart to...

Well i dressed to impress like Audrey Hepburn in the classical Coco Chanel little black dress and the most simply pearls with some dior flats shoes...and a black scarf like a schal...and one of my favorite bags the XXL Jumbo Bag from Chanel.I tooked out the car pass and to get R.from work.Bought some sweets for the family from via Torini (at least for us is that thing,when u go to a persons house for lunch/dinner).

We get to the house...i am taking a deep breath he tells me all is gonna be ok....and get in the house.As soon as the door opens 2 women gets to greet R.i stay behind like a stupid..(i hated always to introduce myself in places where i go with somebody)after greeting all 10 family members and after staying in a corner he remmbered me i shaked all hands...of course nither in the airport at the safe controll they dont pass u trought x-rays like that..but i tryed to smile and use the charmes like i always did by looking in people eyes..they call up dinner and we sit...but the surprise came when 2 of the aunts and cousions we looking at me and laughing about me...i wanted to get 3 feet under and the probelm is that he didnt even saw it....this hurted me so much....but thanks god phone was ringing it was an sms was my best friend E.asking how it is....i told her is a nightmere...but we sit they do their praying i stay in silance analize all and then we start eating the famouse cous cous it was quite good but R. brother begun to pinch me..."the lady isnt used to this type of food"."she prefers the french cusine"and i tryed to be as diplomatic as i could by telling him"well we can always discover new things..."and i smiled then they said something in arabic and laughed i was sure they were talking about me bc i looked at R.and he looked in down.....then the ladys begun with their laugh....oh god....why why why!!!!!then one of the cousins the only girl that speakes italian said "well u wear a lot of euro on u...U think he would be able to give u those things.."I answered her that well he hasn't have to buy me this things because i can afford them by myself...Then the mother came another tragedy.....And all man looking up and down to me i told R i wanna leave...He said not yet...i told him at first bad look i go with or without u....And of course this new pinch came....from his brother,our ex-gardner-so i tooked my bag told R we will hear us the next days and the said good evening and have fun!and leaved....

Now he is calling me like a crazy.....i texted him telling him...i dont wanna talk...i think the end is coming...is really fair???Where is the problem one is rich and the other poor????!!!!!one catolic and the other muslim....my family never rejected him actully they gaved hima schoolarship to study....and have no problems.....i feel like crying.....And in this house is feeling so cold .....and i am so alone....

babe dream about me....

To begin with i choosed this song from moby...that gives me confort...and the video is from one of my favorite movies......